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ifyourecomingalongpleasecomealongasavailedaspossiblemydigression wontlastlongoratleastnotaslongasyoumightbefearinganditsworthboth orallofusaskingwhatexactlyImdigressingfromanywaywhattalecohesive ornotmydigressionwandersovertothegrassyslopebehindthechurchwhere onecouldpitytheweakiftherewereanybodythereifonewereonewhoasarule feltpityforanybodiesbeyondtheirlackofautonomyorbeyondtheirlackof uncertaintyorbeyondtheirlackofimaginationorbeyondtheirlackofpity Ivedrifteddowntothebottomofthegrassyslopewhereastandoffirsclimbs anotherslopetothecountycemeteryatopahilloverlookingdreamharvests abaldhillthatalsosurveysthechurchparkinglotonitslowerknobandthis iswitnessablethegravesabovethesteeplethepronebodiesabovetheerect bodiesthatsundaycoupleorthatthreesomeorfoursomepostsundaymorning servicepostsermonandoffertoryanddoxologyandbenedictionwhodecreed wedothistoourselvesoneofthemmightbethinkingwhileoneoftheothersor theonlyotherthinksaboutthehappysinsofthefleshsomeonewilldecideto quitspeakingandsomeonewilldecidetoquitbreathingsomeonewillremark upontheimpendingrainandsomeonewillbetheprimemoveroftheapocalypse webringmostofourtroublesdownuponourselvesasifwerelyingonthefloor besidethefeastladensuppertableandratherthantakeourappointedplace sinourchairstoassuageourhungerswepullharduponthehemofthesoontobe stainedtableclothIbringallmywildernesstroublestomyselfonaplatter Ideliverallmysettlementconcernstomyselfintinyvaricoloredthimbles onecouldlingerintheshadowofthesanctuaryorbreatheintheshadowofthe cemeteryorholdonespeaceintheproverbialshadowofanotherpersonwhois betterandwiserthanoneclevererandmorecompassionateofhighercaliber andmoreattractivesimplysuperiortooneinallwaysmentionableoronemay enjoytheafterglowofcongregationalunityorthereachofconstitutional destinyortheeroticismofconversationalbanalitywithonesconsensuals inallofthissundaynessoronemightseektheorganistsgravesoundsinones firdeepreveriesonestryatanornateconiferphilosophyforthesolochord taletellingsexactsacrificesofonesanimaandanimusofchildhoodfavors andevergreenbloodwecantstayinsaturdaysbedwecantstayinsummersyard wemustfacesatansmondaysaswefacesantaslapandunclesamsfingerwecant avoidstorysknownarcsorstorysedgeofseattriflingwecantignorestorys twistedsleightsofhandorstorysspoiledplotswecantredeemstorysfalse naturenotinagenerationnotinanepochnotasaspeciesofinherentliarswe arentmessianicenoughforthatwereinnocentbutnotthatinnocentweought totellourtaleswithourfingerscrossedbehindourbackswhilewearingsun glassestohideourbeadyeyesandfeltcoversoverourforkedtongueswemust ntbelulledintothinkingweneedmoreserpentsinourtreestellingbigones butwealsomustntthinkwecangetawayanylongerwithtellingourownopiate talesoffabricatedheartrendandcalculatedintrigueIveamothinmymouth asIwanderindeepestwinteracrossendlesssnowscapesthesefearsomelast immersionsindeadwhiteinfluenceasIwondertowardmybedhorizonmyblack thresholdmyupwardvertigoasanoldtearyfatherbundledagainstelements ofhisownfakingpolarisdriftandlingualodestoneherwingswonttouchair wecantflyasgleamsbackintoourfatherseyesandwecantselfimmolatewith wetwoolenthoughtsandwewontperishtilltheperishingispersonalizedto perfectionandperfectionwontshowtilltheperishinghascomeandgoneand letsallagreetoperishonlywhenweregoodandreadyandletsagreethatwhen itsourtimetoperishwellallperishintheperfectknowledgethattoperish isperfecteveniftoperishisntdivineourleavingtreesshimmeronthehill Ivenotaletotelljustthoughtstothinksomeassociatedtelltotaleorsome tellingtoputupinahardyardbesidesomequietruralsanctuaryinanimpure seasonImheretotruththetellandnothingbutthetellsomemoundofabandon masqueradingasacemeteryofweatheredcenotaphsoverlookingourevolved bodiesofcreationwhilewetarryasindividualsinintoxicatingproximity andpursueavaguesortofirrepressiblefleshandbloodcollectivepurpose somethingswerenevermeanttobeandsomethingswerealwaysmeanttoendand onestandsbesideoneneartheknobscrestwhereastatuealsostandswithout voiceandwithoutorificewithastarecapableofreducingustoourstarless momentstoourriverswithoutmouthsourtreeswithoutcrownsourcaveswith outshadowsonestandswithoneinthepainofthegazeandonellstandwithone intheeternalflamesourinheritanceaffordsusonellstandwithoneatlowe sttideasonestandswithoneinthemotelparkinglotwatchingicemeltonthe asphaltorasonestoodwithoneinthatsanctuarysingingourhorriblehymns wellperishonthisexpeditionthisubiquitoustrekthatnoneadvisedforor againstanditwontmatterwhetherwewerestrongorweakprudentorreckless elegantorawkwarditwontmatterwhetherweperishedwithoutafightorwith stoodeverytravailtosomegloriousendwellperishallthesamethoughonly tothosewhohaventyetperishedorperhapswellsuddenlyappeartothosewho perishedbeforeusthatoldsentimentalideaofbecomingthroughperishing oratleastpersistingthroughperishingperishingascontextualasliving andoneknowsthevagariesofthepolarandthermalvorticesofonessoulones mercurialshiftsfromlifeforceintodeathwishintolightrangeoutofones grayselfoneknowstheseaspectsofonesexperiencethecurlsandcollapses ofchancewavesalongonesimperialshoreaugmentingonesneedtodisappear onesdesireforspiritualmobilityonesexpectationsofunchangingchange someonesnoisyinthekitchenthoughImhomealonesickandsomeerectcities asothersslumberincavesandsomeonesrummagingthroughmymorainewhileI scourherprivatevalesomeonesalwaysdoingsomethingwhensomeonesdoing somethingelseourempiricalfabricchancesarewearemadchancesareweare ntpluralchancesarewearentevenaweIwassoawestruckbyhisrestlesstext Iwentatitasifitwerehermaplefrostedmouthasifitwerethediaryofamess ygodbutitwasmerelyabookevenifitwastheonebooktheveryfinestfailure ofonespartakinglifeworthitspraiseinfleshandbloodandbonethoughman ymenandsomewomendoubtlessdisagreewouldthatonecouldbebrickcapable wouldthatonewerebuiltforeithervelvetregardorroughseasforpalacial sanctionorcultflourishwouldthatonecouldberanchfluentorcafenimble nomatterwhatelseonemightyetinsistuponsayingonesknownloveonesbeen lovedthisisnthighdramaandwontsoondevelopintogreekdramaregardless ofanyfutureturnsandtwistsofeventsinoneslifeitssimpletestimonyits unverifiablefactonehaslovedandbeenlovedgoodlovealifelonglonglife loveworthyofnoteinsomesloppybookandalltherestissubservientmumble onewasntborntotellastoryorliveastoryorbeastoryonewasntborntoroar orwarblefromplatformsormarginsorshadowsonewasborntolivetilldeath andthenlingerinsomememoriestilltheyregoneaswellallgonesoonenough onewontgotothesanctuaryagainonewontclimbthehilltothecemeterywith perpetualthoughtsofdepartureonecantseethefirsaskindredthoughthey rejustasmortaloneknowsnothingoftheskyandnothingofthefemininemind onesamonoglotinsomanywaysamistakensenseofpurityonesfearofversion onesmulishinsistenceuponuniquenessoverdiversityfairorunjustified Iwasntborntountelltellingthatsbeentriedbeforetellingcantbeuntold itwontbeundonebyattemptsatintellectualclevernessorscarecrowfaith ouraccuratebrimstoneisonitswayourswoonintothedustisalreadylegend ourdeathsaregivenweightbyourliveseverafterandallourdreamssuspend allourcurtainedfearsallourabstractscratchingsallourlaboredmyrrhs thatimmaculaterejectionofonesfuturevisitsoneinonesdaylitreveries tellingoneoneshopesaredangerousandbestdiscardedsothatonesmoments canbreathesothatonedoesntsacrificethisdayforsomenextdaysothatone canexperiencetimesvitalityasrandomlightningshocksothatonecancome intomercyandgoodnessallthedaysofonesliveswithouteverypossibility happeningallatonceallofonesallspreadallroundscapeandfleshandhome youllforgivemyredundancieswhenImgoneyouvealwaysexcusedmyquietude myprivatesongsofknickknackingsandwhatknotszeppelinbendsholdingmy steamersinporttidetightenedaffectionyouveallowedforindiscretions andaffectationsandwhiteassertationsinairlackingspecksforcrystals youllpardonmyrepetitionswhenIveleftthosesameyswooningsacrossthis scribbledlifespannowthatineffectualwinterwontyieldthestagenotfor atrueblizzardnorforspringhighcontrastneverreachinghighenoughones puredesireforsharpnessonessharpdesireforpuritythatabsolutecrease winterwonwinterwinssongsfeignsalvationsemaphoresinstrandedmouths onetwinesonesfraternallamentintokidspurposebedpostswrappedinfelt remembrancesofplushpotentialitoughttohavebeendifferentbutitwasnt wedontgettoseeourendingsorourbeginningsmuchlessthebeginningorthe endingasifeverythinghasanoriginandadestinationoneandthentheother weregivensnippetswhetherasecondoracenturytinyshredsofthewholenot quiltedbyanyonesconsciousnessthatwholeresistanttoeitherdeduction orimaginationasifsomeotherwholewouldntbeasifanyoneinfinityequals anyoneeternitysinceoneandoneequalallevenwhenbothonesarenoneseven whenbothonesaredoneevenwhennevermindImmorecomfortableinminimarts thansuperstoresIdontmindpayingalittlemoreforalotlessbettereleven thantwelvenomorethemorethemerriernomorecomeonecomeallIcomeoncome oncomeIllwaitforeverIlldowhatIcandoandyoulldowhatyoucandoandwell nevermindwereallwellandgoodwereallswellthatendswellwereallwewere crackeduptobeoursbeyourpatienceandyoursourpartsinyourquickfireof youthyoulityourmindIllbeallthatyoucanbeallthatIcouldvebeeninanot herlifetimefategavemeeverythingIneededinthisoneIdontneedanything morenotanymoreneitherreprievenornodsnorcomplicationnorcompletion onedoesntrememberonesbeginningonedoesntneedtobeawareofonesending thenalongcomesthenonlibrarianwithhiswinterperegrinesandhishillof summerallofthatconcentratedsightandcondensedtimeawayofseeingones goingtoenvytillonesextinctnaturenotascanvasbutaspalettealanguage tighterthanprimarywoodonessecondarywoodsbetweenpewandgraveautumn beforewinterbeforesummerwithoutspringgodbeforenothingbeforedeath withoutfearlovebeforewordbeforetruthwithoutregretonelldemiseinto theirsnowdriftortheirbowershameortheirfloralsuffocationorIllfall aloneingarneredselfonemustlookinwardwithonesscalpelvisiontoslice awaytherotonemightaswelluseamentalaxonemightaswelltosstheoldmind andbeginagainifonlyonecouldbeginthemindagainwithbettertechniques withfresheringredientswithsteadierhandsifonlyonecouldmakethemind fromscratchgrowitfromseederasetheerrorssmooththegroovesbonsaithe waywardsprawlorinsteadjustletitkudzutoeveryhorizonwhileImullinmy ruinsmycardboardruinsofperipheralscienceandprenatalcontritionIll contrivethelandscapeintocorpusIllresisteveryurgetomakesenseofyou whattwinmonolithsguardyourstraitscowardiceandprideorantipathyand righteousnesscheerfulfatalismisntacharmingattributewhenlacedwith resentmentitsagreatadvantageinthisworldtonotknowwhatyouretalking aboutyoulovetobealonebutyourenogoodaloneyouwanttobeanowlbutyoure notevenacatyouthoughtmaybeyoucouldwinbutnoonewinsnoonehaseverwon swissordutchorwelshitdoesntmuchmatternomorethancaliforniannomore thansouthpawedorbespectacledorchristianraisednomorethanephemeral nomorethanpronetobookishnessandsensualreservenomorethanbreathing youcantsumyourselfyoushouldnttallyothershecouldntfigureherandshe couldntfigureoneandnothingaddsuptoallandyouwontfindonesselfamong anyoneelseswreckageatrainspeedspastouroutskirtsandonestaysputina tinymansionatsomecrossroadswedifferentiatewedelineatewedevastate myobstinanceunfatesmeduskwoodordawnwoodyoursandyoursalonemybible weatheredmemywrungshoulderbaitsmedepthofnightwoodmineandsolomine outofthetimberfromwhenceIstoletogivetovioletfoxortallowmothfroma pocryphalstoneswesqueezethesweatofuniversalurgeourpersuasivecall youleaptfromyourporchwhenIcametoyourgatethenIstoodonyourstoopand praisedyourtawnyslatewithmystarkfrontierIllramyourunbrambledslat ourobstaclescreateustwilightoflifeorbirthofexityourshuttersmysea sonsmylatticeyourenshroudingvinesoneofuswandersoneofusstaysoneof ussettlesoneofusstraysaspeckledcreaturelingersoutsidethefenceyou waveittoyouwithyourgazethebettercompanionsomeofthetimepasttoward presenttowardfuturemytidalconstancymyinconsistentchronosyouleapt intomymemorywithyourmatterIvemulledyourthrillsintoheatheredsleep onetookhobbyismovercareerismbecauseartismisntathingandbreatheism ispracticedinprivatewithonesownsomeonesomeonesoneestonesothatone accruesonesonenessinonessiloinoneswellinonesbarkstrippedskytrunk withrootsthroughmantletomagmasothatonesmoltenconcoctionswillspew intogodsdarkcountrygodssparkledkingdomgodsdisseminatingfirmament viayourdiscriminatingconduitbeyondmyphallaciousmindonesimageries gatheredfromglancesatlifesustainingpunctumamidlifefillingstudium weakarmtendonitisrightsideinguinalherniaweakfootplantarfasciitis halfofthisbodyisfallingapartonitswaytothepurifyingbargainfurnace halfofonesbodystillfeelstwentycapableofscintillatingactsofmotion butthemindsuffersalongwiththephysicalshapetomakesenseofslowdecay IwakeupscreamingfromanightmareofcaptureIshouldveknownnottogodown thoseunlitstepstoalockedoorasifsafepassagewereaninalienableright onecantfallbacktosleepmostnightswhenoneawakenssickfrominadequacy shouldvetriedhardercouldvebeenbettermightvedonethisorthatinstead oneclosetsnobigregretbutoneshelvesscoresofsmallonessetintidyrows Iwokeintimetochooseloveasadventureoverloveforadventureoroverlust assomesortofventurecapitalIknowenoughtoknowyourehomeandIadmitIve likedmosteverywhereIveeverbeenbutIveneverlovedasingleplacenotone notevendeathvalleyinclearestwinternorprovidenceincleanestfallnot centralparkinrarestsolitudenorthesequoiasinsnowiestsilencenotour cornigliainmediterraneanglownormycabrilloinpacificreverienoteven parisorveniceonsummereveningsnotevensnowdoniainfantasyramblesnor bavariainkinglysleighridesnoneofthesehavefeltlikehomeformorethan athimbleofhoursmyinternalflawseeksnamelessscenerysomespecificity withoutassignationterrainabsolutelygenericyetstillwhollyimagined Illawakeonalawninlimbounderafakeskyrealenoughtofoolusintowishing uponshootingstarsallofusgatheredonthelawnforawakenotafuneralfora friendnotamemorialserviceforalovedonebutawakeforourtangibilities ourempiricalpursuitsdeadandspreadoutbeforeusontheartificialgrass grassthatindaylightlooksgreenerthananybackhomebelowskiesthatlook bluerthananybackhomewiththeoccasionalcloudlookingwhiterthanwhite thoughweknowthisisnonsensebutitisntdaynowitsnightwhenthespurious starstwinkleaboveusaswerevelandreminisceuponourplainofcomfortand communaldeflectionwereheretostorifyourlossestoinebriateourgriefs mydreamsfitbetweenyourliplikethoughtstilltheydissipateandarelaid toresttilltheygiveuptheghostandareburnttoheavensbrightestcorners onelldriftintotheshadowsawayfromthestereotypicalimbibingthestale flowofunfunnyanecdotesthosemaudlincontrivancesweinsistuponforthe sakeofdecorumorforthelackofdecorumourbadbehaviorevenmoretiresome thanourgoodbehavioryourfreebitchposesstillforcedbravuramybyronic broodingstillboringwithoutafundamentalcouplettoshatteronesnerves thenewmoonshowsgenerosityasabsencejustasonebecomesmoregivingwhen goneyoucancountmeteoritesastheygooutinflamesaboveyoueversinceone stoppedrefractingsunlightnowthatsomemiracleoflivingspinsintheway onedoesntwishtoromanticizesettingsandonenevermadetherestlesshowl oneneedntshowthewaytodarknesswhenitsavailabletooneandallwithjust smallmotionsintimeonecantlightuptheroomwhenonewantstobeelsewhere onecantbethelifeofthepartywhenitsawakeinlimboandonestheonlyguest ourcollaborativespiritwherediditgoIdontknowwhereisitnowIdontknow Imlockedintoasupportpositionandyourelockedintoaninstructionalone thatsourgulforImnutsinmydoingandyourecrazyinyournotdoingthatsour undoingoryouretoopunnyinsomenewmathematicalwayandImtoorepetitive insomeoldgeometricwaythatsourmiscarriageoryourdependencysmothers mewhilemyautonomystarvesyouthatsourdysfunctionthatsmynooseofmiss edopportunitiesbraidedwithselfdenyingselfdeniedstrandsoflonesome onesstubbornnesssurvivesonesserendipitiesonesinbredideasofburden outlastonescuriosityaroundnovelriskandunsubstantiatablediscovery lovemattersnotmuchelsenotmuchelseatallnotlanguagenotevensurvival onecantgowhereveronewantstogoonemustyetwalktheworriedfloorbutthe sentimentsacceptedthesendersdearonerememberstotelloneonelovesone butoneforgetstotelleveryoneonelovesoneandoneandonetellsgodtogoto hellandnothinghappensonetellsgodonelovesonesonesmorethanoneloves onesgodandstillnothinghappensgotellmomonewontbehomebeforethesuns downgotellheronelovesonesonesmorethanoneloveshergodtellhergently kissherbrowpatherhandtellherwithoutanasteriskoneneverbrokeasweat withonesotheroneonewoundthetimedownwithinthefinergracesofonesone theysitonthecementlipofthejacuzziwiththeirlowerlegsinthefroththe waterinthejacuzzistoohotwhereasthewaterintheadjacentpoolstoocold theyvetriedalternatingbetweenthetwobutcouldntgetcomfortablesonow theysitwiththeirupperbodiesexposedtothecoastalairastheytalkinlow voicesinthattenderanderoticspacebeforeanythinghashappenednothing willhappenbetweenthesetwotheyrenotstarcrossedloverstheyrenothing butcomradesinacreativewaralreadylostandamasterwaveofindifference hasalreadyrisentowashthemawayneverthelesstheymanagetoscriptahand fulofencouragingwordsintotheskiesthathaventbeenatallcloudyallday onesuffersfromcontinuityfromacontinuousscarfknitasatetheronesown tightmediocritykeepingonecloseonesuffersfromacontinuityofdaysand nightsnottheexactsamecontentbutthesamepainapaintoorecognizableto intriguetoonumbingtoinciteoneshouldcrosstheopenrangetotheopensea oneshouldfloodonesnearestfieldswithgenerosityoneshouldwrapascarf aroundonescoldshouldersbutonesinpainandoneslosingtoitsstrategies youandyouandyouandyouwhatamIgoingtodoaboutallofyouwhymustonehave yousinoneslifewhyisntoneyouplentyoneoneforeveryoneoneoneforeverI maoneandyoureaoneandmaybeeveryoneshouldbeaoneandhaveaonebutthats nothowthingsworkthatsnotthewayofthisworldsomehaveonesandsomedont someareonesandsomearentmaygodhavemercyuponouranimalsoulssomehave morethanoneonewhilesomehavenoneatallnotonenoteverornotinthislife anywaysomeneverhaveanythingmorethanthesuddencomfortofstrangeness friendtofriendinsomedeadendtimewematchourdiameterstomakeourworld oneemptyofsoilandseamaytheuniversehavemercyuponourchthoniansouls Igrewupnearthepacificbutneversawthegreenflashwegrewupinthechurch butneverfeltthesaviorstouchoursonwasraisedinthelandofenchantment withouteverhearingthatlegendaryhumonehasnevertastedfearorsmelled paradiseorsensedtheendofselfortheendofusortheendofallmymysteries plusmycontradictionsplusmyobviousfailingsplusmyhalooffortunedont formanequationthatmeritssuicideorsainthoodorwhitewashingoneswide arrayofpotentialcrimescommittedselfuponselfonesselfocclusionsand blockingsoflightonesdeepeningmentalshadowsonetradeseternityforbe comingonewouldtradeallofeternitytobeallowedtowitnesstruebecoming butofcoursetheyrethesamethingandneitherexistsnotasweconsiderthem Ilieawakeattwoammyscalpitchesmyshoulderhurtsmywillishardmymindis meantheworldsbanaltheworldsinscrutabletheworldisntwhollyimagined IvetaskstodotodayIdidsomeyesterdayIlldosometomorrowIlllieawakeat twoorthreeorfourtomorrownightmyscalpwillitchmyshoulderwillhurtmy willwillstiffenmymindwillleantowardtheledgemytaskswontgoawaythey wontdiminishtheywontspringintomatteringtasksreplacetasksoneswill isloyalonesthoughtsaretangledonewillstillbelovedwhenmorningcomes whatprescientoceanbreezeconvincedmetomovetomanhattantosuitmyfate whatordinaryovulationsandejaculationswroughtuswhatvitalmechanism ormachinationsbroughtusallheretogetherforcingreverenceintothemix outofquarksoupintoourcommonwealthoutofunfathomedheatintoourpunch onepayscashforahalfdozenseersuckerstripedshirtsofdifferentcolors shirtsworngentlybyanowdeadmanonesinnocencehopestheyllleadtoamove tothecoastbutdoesoneneedtoseetheseaagainmustonebreatheatitsshore oncemorebeforeonediesoneselfonehasntforgottenitsairoritssoundsor itssmellsoritsperpetualofferofafinalwayoutonehasntforgottenhowto dreambeyondbluerhorizonsifclothesmakethemanletthemchoosetheplace Ilieawakeatthreeammyshoulderachesmyspiritualnauseapersistsourshe etsneedwashingafterallofthatfrolicourtaxesneeddoingourtrashneeds takingoutIllsoonloseanothertoothweallmustbeunmadeeventuallywhats worthtalkingabouthasbeentalkedaboutbeforemillionsoftimesbyothers tensoftimesbymeIdapologizebutIveapologizedtoooftenalreadyourdebt sinneedofloweringmyideaswantcleansinggrowthmyprosedoesntneedmore fertilizerbutitsurecouldstandsomesunlightonelackshealthyexposure oronesuffersfrompolarlatitudeoftheheartminusanauroraborealismind ifonedoesnthaveanexitstrategythatsokonellbeprovidedonethatsgrace allofmyskinfrommynecktomyfeethasgrownaccustomedtoyournailswhatif wecouldconceiveacrosseverydemographicwithjustourtongueswhatifour languagecouldbewordlesspotencythatfraughtdreamofanimplodedwriter wouldthatonecouldgrantoneasecondinfinityorasecondeternityallofit alloveragainbutdifferentthistimedifferentinwhateverwaysyouwantit tobedifferentallofitinaperfectsecondallofitforyouandallasyouwish wouldthatIcouldprotectourtodaysfromourtomorrowsbutIcantwouldthat withinmyownsystemwithinmyownconsciousstreamIcouldturnthenormalin tothesublimebutIcantwouldthatIcouldbondthemacrotothemicrowithout losingmycromagnoncoolbutIcantandeverythingIcoulddothatIwontdoIll markasdoneanywayawarmdeceptionofselfandallthethingsIthoughttosay butdidntsayIllconsigntoanunreliablehistorymyselfascolumbusandany ofthemanyplacesIshouldvegonebutdidntIlldeemunharmedbymyabsencean obscurantistssetofindefinitelypostponedreceptionsmyparadewasover beforeitbeganonesunlitpageantpassesbeneathoneswindowondeafnights oneandonearentassilentasoneminusoneasanyoneknowswhoknowsanything aboutonetakeoneawayfromoneandonewouldbenothingonewonttakeoneaway fromonebutonellbetakenawaynonethelessthatsthewayitsdoneroundhere onecantdowhatonecantdooneshouldntsayonesdonewhatonehasnteverdone whatonehasnointentionofeverdoingonewouldlovetodotheimpossiblebut onehasnodesiretodothepossiblethatsjustonesillsoulspeakingwithits feylustforparadoxthoughonedoestendtoloseoneswayoncetheimpossible becomespossiblethereonegoesagainoffwanderinginvacatedspeculation brutallyandkeeninglyonemissestheunhappenedthatwhichhasnthappened thatwhichwonthappenthatwhichisbetterperpetuallyunhappenedourlife longpardonfromplanourunrootedfuturesascompensationfordailytedium Ivedoneminimaldamageasaminimalheartinamaximalworldoffecalcourage Ivegonemininginshallowselvesasashallowmindindeeperrealmsthantime ourfetalknowledgedoesntserveusaswellasourcorpseposeawarenessones coreneedsstrengtheninghaslongneededstrengtheningnotthatoneslimbs resemblethoseofanoaknotthatonesrootshavethedepthandbreadthtomake oneimpervioustoshiftingwindsorinvulnerabletosuddengalesoneshould seekmoreferalmetaphorsoneshouldseekwilderspacesthanonesownrancid welloneshouldseekabsolutionforoneschroniclackofvividuniversality oroneshouldjustdevelopsomephilanthropicchopsandgivesomethingrare ifyouweretohidealamodebehindthewintercoatsintheclimaxclosetunder thestairsIdfindyouifyouweretohideintearfulproxyatopawidowswalkin pariswithallofyourdialsonzeroIdfindyouifyouweretohideascompanion tosatanbehindthebloodshedunderthebutchersbarrowIdfindyoutheresno placerareenoughtosequesteronesselfawayfromonesinquiryandscrutiny ifoneweretohideinplainsightunderabillboardofselfyouwouldntfindme anyheanysheforanyheforanysheoneandoneaselevennottwoasparallelone sintersectingatinfinityvinegarinonesxylemsaltinonesphloemonecant translocateonesabsencefromonessoiltoonesreachnotwhenonesinternal conduitsarecloggedwithcontrariesnotwhenonespresenceistaintedwith onesownhumdrumbloodflowonesownsapsugaredtodarktreacleinonesmouth anysheanyheallhesallshesallheldallhealedgroundgoodrisentoswaddle youveneverknownhergazeneverfeltitsboreyoureisolateyoureinsulateI spoonintoyouwhenImnotcurledintothewallourblacksquaresforescaping yourdioramaofdeliverancemyunderbarkblushoneslatevictoriousgarden youvenotknownhisstareneverfeltitsweltyoureisolatedyoureinsulated IturnawayfromyouwhenIturnawayfrommyselfoneswhiteonwhiteaesthetic myoverwroughtaimyourcarnivoresofsnareourgodstriumphantquarantine hetakescareofherwhennooneelsewilljustasshetakescareofhimthoughit justaboutkillsherwhileshewatchesoverherwhennooneelsewilljustashe watchesoverhimthoughitjustaboutkillshimsuchordinaryviolencelacks constraintsooneanglestobenearertotheethanthyalmightyonesscrolled mandalaflushagainstthatwickedwetspiralofthineherkindchesthiskind lapherpowerspothisstrongreserveoursacrificialcamaraderiecleanest whendisorganizedwecelebrateourevolutionarymutationsourindigenous meanderingsourdisingenuoushurtsbutyouwaitformetotellmytaleintime mystoryofsanctuaryandsocialintrigueapromiseIdhavekeptbynowifones godwereaninterveninggodifonescemeterieswereinteractiveifonesmind werentboundbyfleshshesecureshershespurshimhepeersherherevereshim Isquaredmyselfinordertoreverseengineergodstriangulatedimperative boredominvadesusviathepassagewaysofourroutinesifwerenotattentive toitsthreatitsoonbecomessystemicpervadingallourselfdomssharedand privatetosuchadegreethatweforgetwhethertheboredomarosefromwithin orstruckfromwithoutwhetherwewereweakenedbylazinessorcarelessness whetherwewereforsakenbyourgodsorsuccumbedtoaslytempterorwereover poweredbyaninvincibleforcewhetherwecallitboredomennuioranenemyis theblameforourstateofdisinterestoursandoursaloneisonesownmalaise toowidespreadtocounterattackusingradiantwonderorprecisecuriosity onesproseisntpoeticenoughtoirradiateonesmindorlasersharpenoughto exciseonesbanalitywithoutdamagingonescalmwemustbeawarethattoseek serenityistoriskstagnationandthattoseekthefavorofthegodsistorisk martyrdomtheartistcrucifiesherselfonabackyardtreeofglossyneglect onewardsofffendsoffstavesoffonesworstdemonswithoptionswitharrays withtheillusionoffreewillandinclusivechoiceallwithpurityembedded inasensationofnecessarylossonewonthavethecakeandonewonthaveeaten thecakebutonecouldspendtherestofoneslifespeakingofitskeenabsence onevolcanoesintoonesvanguardandoneshuddersupononesslicktradition REFRACTORY.onevenowouldareveryounderandirtoverreachigheavenotobt ainirvanabovearthinessalvationextourebelordamnationextourebeluci ferevolutionextourisenatureveryoundoingodstabutobtainaturalevity ouvelevatedarwinspaceveryoughtobeyourselforeasonsoundontestifyou nderstandionysianerveveryoundoesatanstabutestifyouvearnedustsens ualityouvearnedevotionstigmatandenyouvemasculatedeathsovereignty IhauntmymorsellessrefectoryIfrequentthelongdarksturdytableswhere nomealsareeverservedIstudythestainedglasswindowsthatdepictscenes frommyuneventfulchildhoodIcarveinanitiesintothetabletopsandchair armswitharustynailfrommygrandmothersgravesiteIoftenmullalonewith myfundamentsspreadoutonthetableinfrontofmeaninediblerepastofones detritusonesfoundobjectsofourpersonalhistorythisplacethatcanlook likeacaveonedayandacathedralthenextlitbytorchorpenitentheartones emptinessfillingitsemptinessfromperseslatetovaultedceilingorfrom stalagmitestostalagtitesIvesatfortimeimmemorialmovingindependent itemsaroundonthesurfaceofthetablestudyingtheirfixedrelationships theirmortalflawstheirmolecularinstabilitiestheirtendenciestoward judgmentuponthetabletopsIveterrainedwithmyheritagenailIsummonyou tomethroughthemarblewallsthroughthemoistlimesoilyourindelibleink selfviscousandimpenetrableevenwhendilutedembodiedinbodilessnessI cantmakesenseofmyhauntingonecantdeconstructonessubconsciousImnot nimbleenoughasathinkertopulloffthatsortofspelunkingenterpriseIll leavethattoournovelgeniusesofinteriordepthsIllsitacrossfromyouin myvastroommycavernofspiritualsustenanceornotyoubutyouremanationI trytoenquireofyouortoascertainbywayofcarefulsilenceyourdailymood thesubtletiesofyourauraanditsincrementalshiftsinhueyoualwayshave somethingtotellmethatyounevertellmesomethingconsequentialthatyou nevergetaroundtosayingsomethingtonalandsubstantivebutitnevergets saidIshowyouthefoundobjectsofoursharedpotentialandyouexaminethem onebyonewhileIwatchyoubehaveasifyoureunderintensescrutinybutwith youropenaccessyouneedntwaitformysummonsyouhavethematyourdisposal atalltimesofdayandnightyoureyourownconservancyIcanimaginesomeone sayingtoyouyoureyourownpreservebutonesneverbeentoldanythingquite resemblingthatIdonthearanyechoesinmymeallesschamberwhenIvisitone youdbringmegoodhomemadethingstoeatifIdonlyaskyousaybutIjustshrug itsallmetaphoranywaythisrefectoryinvolvingevenlessstorywidththan onessanctuaryormotelormansiononecanimagineanoceanfathomsdeeporan oceanwithmountainrangesbeneathitswatersbutonestrugglestofathoman innersanctumofeternalproportionsandcarouselvalencesdependingupon whoyouarewhomIvesummonedyousmelloflilacsoroflavenderofapricotsor ofcoastalsweatofsageendeavororoforchardharvestofmothwingsorofowl feathersofspuncandyorofcarbonatedmilkonewantstomakeofonewhatever onewishestobeandonewishestobewhateveronewantstomakeofonesowemake fromourselvesoroneanotherwithinourselvesoroneanotherouroddbeauty ourcarnivalcheerourseriousnonsenseourtangledspacewithinwhatspans weregivenIdontneedfoodIswearIconsumeenoughinmyreallifejustenough ormorethanenoughrealasinsensatenotasinsensationalhauntasinattend notasinagitateheandshehisandhershesquaredshesquaredonesquaredone onlyhasaccesstothewordsinonesworldthelimitsofanyonesspecificsite IcantturnanyheintohernotinourempiricalrealmbutIcanmakearefectory myhavenarefectoryofmyownawkwarddesignwithoutsoundsofutensilswith outmasticationorundirectedsocializingarefectorypopulatedonlybymy conjuringsorthetangentialconjuringsofthoseItrustsomehesandshesof vennoverlaptheirorienttomyoccidentsomeyouandyoursofinteractionmy localgearsofinfluencesomewhoalsomakescratchingsinthetabletopsand chairarmsorpaintingsonthecavewallsandceilingsIgooutsideandlookup atskiesthatnolongerintriguemebutIgobackintotherefectoryandgazeat yourartistryandamgratefulforthevisualtreatsforthewitandpathosand uncertaintytheyrerestorativetheyaidintheremakingofmynonexistence youcantbemadetoseeyourselfasIseeyouthatsimpositionalthoughIthink itddoyougoodtoseeyourselfforsomemomentsasIseeyouwhenyouresitting acrossfrommeatoneofthelongtablesintherefectoryoneofthelongtables damagedbyourgraffitiyoumightfeelbetteraboutyourselfsinceImunable tohandlelanguagewiththevitalitynecessarytoconvinceyouofyourworth ofyourworthtomeanywayIcantspeakforgodornatureyourinimitableworth tomeyourcolorfieldsofclosenessyourstainedglassvisionoftabularasa onehasnotimeforonesownrunofthemillcontemporarymadnessbutonemakes timeforitanywayoneletsitpermeateonesthoughtsoneletsitswayonesday oneletsitpoisononeswellamadnesswithoutbloodonitshandsornotyetany wayandlikelynoteversinceitsatepidmadnesswithnoappetiteforheatIve ledalifetooprudentformyambitiontoocontrolledformytalenttojustify myrefectorycomeswithoutcrumbsorverminitcomeswithoutscreamsorcake myspacescomposemyutopianbodyandmybodysheltersmydystopianmindsoon inthefuturerocketingtowardmeIlldrifttosleepandmydreamingwillstop shortofapogeetherightspotfortomorrowsyearnandleanandtenseandhide onesoughtoughtnessofactionovertoughnessofthoughtthoughoneknewone wouldcomeupshorteitherwaythateitherchoicewasmuchtootoughtomaster thateitheroptionwouldrideroughshodoveronesegoonediscoversexactly whooneisthroughoneschronicfailingsornotexactlyneverreallyexactly butcloseenoughtomakeoneappealeverydaytoallofnatureforforgiveness asuperfluousforgivenessundoubtedlygrantedeveryoneofusatthemoment ofourconceptionsanaprioriunconditionalforgivenessthatarriveswith lifewhatwecalllifewhatcouldpossiblyaseasilyapplytotheexistenceof atomstowhateverisfoundationalandtowhateverisextantandunnecessary necessityascipherandactuaryforlifewhiledistancefoldsintoduration whatwecalllifewhatwethinkofasthedifferencesbetweenourexteriorand ourinteriorselvesasifweunderstandthepermeabilityofthosemembranes onehasallthatoneseverdesiredstillonewantsmorethatjustgoeswiththe territorymortalandaspirantlanguagedandspoiltonewantsimmersionand aloofnessbraidedtogetherinatemporaltwistoutatthetipofthelongtail ifImlonelyImonlylonelybecauseitsinournaturestobelonelyevenwhenwe knowwerelovedevenwhenadmirationsblessoursmudgedmarginsevenwhenwe suspectoursoulsarecloudsofspunentropyifImnotlonelyitsbecausetime vectoredusonetoonesparingonefromhavingtosleepalonewithoneselfone notlikingoneselfenoughtowanttosleepwithoneselfthoughonemustsleep withoneselfnonethelessnightafternightafternightonewishesonecould justoncesleepwithonewithouthavingtoalsosleepwithoneselfbutitwont happensinceitcanthappenselfissaddledwithselfasareallriddenselves wevebeengiventhedeathpenaltyforourunpardonablecrimesofbeingalive onelovesoneandoneastwoandonelovesoneandoneasonebutonecantloveone andoneasnoneonehastriedandonecantoronehasntbeentaughthowyetorone doesnthavetheattendantacumenonewasnthandedthespiritualgiftofzero andonemightjustbeblindtothesilentandtastelessuntexturedunscented colorsofsoulsthoseofmammalsandbirdsthoseofgodsandreptilesthoseof onesneighborsandthoseofoneslovestobefoundintherisensunofthisroom Icameupontheanthillsaidthegodofchaosandsawthatitwasntuniqueinits uniquenessthatchaosisjustastorybehindstoriesthepropagationofthis asopposedtothatsomedirtysecretofexistencewechaseandcraveandcovet mypatienceisntworthysaidthegodofchaosdisseminatingchanceaswasted potentialoutofviolentwhimthegodofcoincidencebeingelsewhereatthat momentsoIthoughttheactwaswithoutconsequencethoughthatsimpossible whateverhappensatanyendofatriskeleresonatesthroughouttheothertwo onesramshorndoesntslackenorintensifyinisolationonescurledjettyis ntseveredfromonescontinentonesownnautilusnavigatescontiguousseas sheassomeonemustcrossesthemotelparkinglotfromoutofthewavestoward himhewhodoesnthavethesensetocomewhencalledortodancewhenwarmmusic stormsortogetoutintherainhewholikestowatchasicecubesmeltoncement shewhowantshercolorstolastevenifhisdoesntshewhofeelstheshadowsof thesanctuaryandthecemeteryhillmorethanthatofthemonolithicmansion hewhocontemplatestoomanythingstoooftenwithoutcontemplatingenough otherthingsonceinourslipstreamofonceuponatimebutpleaseneveragain shewhocarriessaltfromtheseainherdarkspiralofexquisiteopportunity shewhohasthegoldensandsofkindnessscatteredacrossherowntraumabody shewhosliltedtolastbeyondanyspectrumofworryanythreadofdiscontent wewhowaitforanapocalypseofsubstancetodeliverusfromourapocalypses ofnotmatteringornotmatteringtomatteranywaythoughwemattertoaheart ortwoortenortwentythoughwematterinprincipletoothersequallydoomed hisonecolortoosingularandsolitarytolongsurviveacomplementarycone hercolorrangetoofarspreadandwideflungtosubmittoalonecanonicalrod wesufferfromadroughtofheroesandwesufferfromafloodofgeniusesandwe sufferfromunremittingtemperateskiesandincessantlyprudentcrossing guardsateverydifficultintersectionthroughoutouroverimaginedlands shebringshergentianvoxtohiscreakystructurehislowslungmelancholia hervixenindependenceinbrandiedchoicehiswoodencomprehensionofsong onesbluemotelcantsustaintheillusionoffateformorethanahardawkward nightformorethanaseaswimorpoolswimformorethanprosaicentanglement onemustreckonwiththeriskofgrotesquefailureifonestoavoidindolence andonemustavoidindolenceatallcostsonemustventureintorecklessness onemustconfrontonesominouscloudnowandnottomorrowthisverynightand notsometimeinthedistantfuturesomeclimacticmomentthatwontevercome butonesbonewearyanddiffuseanddisinclinedtoputonessleepinjeopardy whenIwakeIllenjoythediscreetweatherandparticipateinwhatsundayhas toofferIllstilltasteinmymouthwhatIvenevertastedinthislifeadreamt tasteunallowableinrealtimeunallowablebyselfifnotcircumstancesyou longagochosetosticktowhatworksintheforegroundandchanceeverything inthebackgroundorviceversaifyourenottrulycrazystrikeafairbalance ifyourelegitimatelynutsitwontmakeanydifferencewhatsoeverthetaste isatasteforbiddenyoubyselfandcircumstancesandthatswhatgivesitits colorofallurethatswhatkeepsitpresentandavowedanddisavowedandtrue IvenottastedtragedyoreventragicomedyinmylifesoImaninsularwitness Imnottobetrustedwithmattersofthevisceraorthewiderheartoranyorgan otherthanthespleenandmaybenoteventhespleenmaybemyhandsareokayand maybemytongueinrightcompanyandmaybeabungalowinmybrainforcomrades maybeaquonsethutwheremymouthcouldjoinindialogueswithuntamedminds organsasarchitectureandviceversatheresanorganinmyrefectoryyoucan playtoyourheartscontentheartythumbsuptocathedralcumcarnivalmusic anamenortwoortenortwentytotheriseandfallofmajorsorrowandminorjoy thatripplingoutofuniversalemptinessfromcentralctobeelzebubschord fromtrillsandembellishmentsandflourishestothunderousabandonments Ivecometoofardownthispathofminetoreduxselftotheparlorcrowdtheyve donefinewithoutmetheyllalwaysdofinewithoutmeonehasntmissedthemas massasconglomerateonlyasparticlesandneveraswavesshesaparticleshe comesoutofthewavesshecomesinwavesonecollideswithparticleswhocome inwavesupononesshoreandacrossonesfuzzydayseveryonesentitledtohis fuzzydayseveryonesentitledtohercominginwaveswhateveryonedeserves areflavorssuitedtotheirsurpriseswhatyoudeserveisacrackatparadise whatwedeservearenightkitchenparleysandaneurysmstimedtoperfection whatonedeservesisnomorethanonesalreadybeengivenplusamomentsflash ofbroaderordeeperorgreaterunderstandinganinstantoftheallthatsall butoneknowsitstoomuchtoaskforthatflashtobefreeofdoubtdoubtcantbe extractedfromideasorsensationsormemoryforthatmatteronedoubtsthat doubtcanbeliftedoutofmatternotthatdoubtdoesntexistwithinmatterit justcantbeseparatedoutthatsallbutoneasksforonesmomentnonetheless Iaskforaccesstoyouandyouandyouandyoumyeternaloptionsproperaccess orsustainedaccessorrefreshedaccesstetherstomywillandwilllessness weaskforvalidationthroughacknowledgmentanauthoritativenodfromthe shadowsifitmustbefromtheshadowsawinkifitmustbeawinkfleetingsince allisfleetingletsaskofoneanotherrigorandhumorandcandorandsecrecy letsacknowledgethatwereflawedbeyondrepairthatflawsconstitutepart ofourbirthrightandthatnorepairispermanentanywaynoflawispermanent anywaynoheorsheortheyorweorIoryouoroneispermanentanywayletsstrip awaythepeelingpaintandletourrawwoodshowletitglistenincandlelight letitswellandblanchinsunlightletitgleamvictoriousinmoonlightlets giveourselvesuptoallofourtextsandletthemcarryussoundwardletshear ourgodsbreathingintheirforeversleepletslistentoourplanetstremble whileourriversrunsilentcoloradoriograndemississippihudsonshannon liffeysevernthamesseinerhinedanubepotibertheseIveseenanddreamtby whereasnileamazonyellowyangtzevolgacongomekongyukondarlingganges tigriseuphratestheseIvenotseennordreamtbyamonglegionsofothersour juicesflowassaltwaterflowsonmarsonesdreamtbythesaltwatersflowing onmarsonesdreamtbythegildedwatersofeldoradoonesdreamtbytheargent cascadesofshangrilaonewoulddreambyafountainofonesownbloodletting boredomwhenitsthewrongkindofboredomitsalmostalwaysthewrongkindof boredomcorrodesonespipesoneswiringonespostsonesbeamsonesshutters oneseavesonesshinglesonescovingsonessoffitsonesbargeboardsifones luckyenoughtohavebargeboardsandsoffitsandcovingsinonesstructured spiritonesbodyasabodeonesmindasacoshburiedinthehyperbolicwoodsIm notuptofetchingitforonetodayImnotuptodreamingbythegrandoldstream Imnotuptolyingonthegraniteslabatopthegreeninghillascloudsdriftby atpleasantlakespeedsabovethelonesailboatoutinthemiddledistanceIm notuptowatchingcloudspassbyontheirwaytoplacesunknownwhileonelies driftingwiththemutegodsonthatslabresemblantofatombunderanancient treeorifnotanancienttreeanoldtreeanywaynotablyolderthanoneanyway ifwemustspeaknowofvitalmattersletsnotsuccumbtogrossoverstatement orcrassbraggadocioletsnotinflateoneintotwoordeflateoneintononeif whatweretalkingaboutisnothingbutonejustoneandnoneotherthanoneone astheoneandonlyoneandnotsomeotheronetheoneofonesastoldtoonebyone asoftodayonesoutlivedherthoughonehasntoutwrittenheronellneverout writeheronesfeminineheadwaterssurvivesanotherdayasbutabedtrickle asoftodayitsallgravyitsallborrowedtimeonesjustwaitingfortheother shoetodropasdropitwillasdropitmustitsalldownhillfromheretothesea whichcouldmakeforaclassicrideaslongasonefeelsindeterminateinones determinismaslongasoneseestragedyasoneacceptableoutcomeifnotones actualoutcomeclassicinitsresistancetothepopularfadofanecdotalawe sosinceitappearstomorrowwillcomeandsomenumberoftomorrowswillcome afterthatonethinksonedeservesanoldfashionedapologyfromthenatural godsformakingonesheartoutofthesameshoddymaterialsasonesbrainwith thesameshoddyworkmanshipfromthesameshoddyblueprintsonewantstoget agraspofonesworstflawsandonesselfcontaminationsotospeakonewishes todiscoverwhatwaswrongatconceptioninlightofwhatsgonewrongwithuse sothatonemightseparateoutappropriateselfblamefromappropriateself pitysothatonemightaccelerateasattractiontowardsurfanddissolution onespoorbodydrawntoitseverconditionaleversituationalrestingpoint onesmissingspaceletsoneseespaceswithinthisvesselonesfinalregress leadingintothevicinityofonesfirstprogressonesportagesacrossareas ofempiricalhistoryorpublictraverseascomparedtoonestinkeringswith subterraneanalchemyandprivateexhibitiononefinishingwhereonebegan whatIneednowisforsomeonetohoisttheotherendofthisgoddamncanoeifit wereanewfangledkayakofswankylightweightmaterialIcouldcarryitbymy selfIcouldmanagethisdifficultmaneuverofwatertolandtowateraloneas ifIwereafrontiergeniusbutImjustanormalsuburbanstoogeandthiscanoe isaquintessentialaluminummonstrositythatnobodybutagreekherocould carryallbyhimselfandthoughIpointandsaytherethatsyourendthatsyour dutyyourhalfofthecommitmentonewontpickuponesendIcantevenseewhere youstandanymorewhereyouvewanderedofftoIcalloutthroughthewoodsbut thereisntanyanswernoneatallnotevensomeanimalpokingfunatmeandmyun fortunatecompulsionyourenowheretobeseenorheardandtheresnooneelse aroundtotakeyourplacesoIsitinthecanoelikeatotalidiotandpretendto rowacrossdrylandperhapsIshouldsnapoutofthisunpleasantentitlement abandonthecanoestrideacrossthisspitofoldgroundwadeintotheestuary andeitherdrownorswimthesevenseasbutIkeepthinkingyouorsomeonelike youwillsoonshowwithamischievousgrinasiftosayhaIhadyougoingfriend didntIhereletshaulthiscanoetoclearerwatersletsrowthisworthycraft straighttoatlantisIsitthesungoesdownthefirefliesdriftaboutIstewI fumeIgeteatenalivebymosquitoesdrawntomyoversugaredovermeantblood butotherthanthatotherthansomeonewillingandableattheoppositeendof onesgodforsakencanoewhenitcomestimetoportagethatgodforsakencanoe onehaseveryitemoneneedsorwantsonesbeenamplyprovidedforbythefates stillitsonescanoeonesstalwartifsomewhatmanipulatedcanoeitdidntdo anythingwrongitshouldntbeforcedtoenditsdaysovergrownwithgreenery insomeforgottenwoodsjustbecauseitsstewardfailedtosecuretransport wastooweakofarmsorchestorlegsorcajonesorbraintocarryitordragitor devisesomeingeniousapparatusandprovegravitationalpullsubservient towillunlessonesalreadypastthespotwhereitsalldownhillfromhereand willasweunderstandandworshipitnolongeramountstoaseaofsatanstears selfpityisseldomappropriateifeverandneitherisselfflagellationbut selfempathyandselfcontrolandselfreflectionhavetheirplacesofmerit withinourjurisdictionselfloveifcontrolledselfscrutinyifjudicious selfmercywhenwarrantedweallhaveourpreciousopinionsthatmattertous selfblamecantaketheformofabullettoonesbrainbutthatsjusthyperbole oneunforgivesselfdailyselvesareunforgivenbyselvesdailyIunforgive myselfdailyoutofexistentialhabitIforgivemyselfdailyoutofsurvival habitIunforgivemyselfnightlyoutofshameforthoughtsanddeedsorIwake tomyselfimaginingmyselfsurprisingmyselfbyprovokingmyselftochange onedoesntenjoyspeakingofselfbutoneenjoysevenlessspeakingofthings oneknowsevenlessaboutandthatseverythingelseutterlyeverythingelse whenonedoesntverilyknowonesselfatallwhetheronesonesselforoneself warpovertycrimesexualabusemurderdrugaddictiongangschronicillness homeownershipsadomasochismdivorcebetrayalwineflyfishingskydiving horseracingcookingsailinggamblinggardeningoneknowsnothingofthese oneknowsnothingofballroomdancingornullgeodesicsortaxidermyeither thoughonehasreadthewesterncanononeknowsverylittlemorethannothing theintricaciesofthehumanheartanditscompanionmindareinscrutableto oneandalltoneurosurgeonandcardiologistaliketoyouandmeandsheandhe toeverygodaboveandbelowtheconsciousspiritdodgesandhidesandeludes IvegoneroundandroundalreadyandIllgoroundandroundagainhuntingprey Icantkillwhileaninfinitesimalparasiteinexorablybringsmetomyknees onesvisionquestendswithoneslovingoneslovesonesloveandonesloveand oneslovemorethangoodenoughoneslovesandoneslovingfromoneslovesand onesloveforoneslovesonessenseofselfasbeinglovedbythosewhoknowone bestintactonessenseofselfotherwisenotintactoneslostonessangfroid onesmisplacedoneschutzpahthoughoneneverhadenoughofeithertochange onesoutputonecouldneverhaveenoughofeithertochangeonesoutcomewhen onesoutcomecomesfromonesoutputonesoutputthatoneregardsasungenius onesoutputthatrunsalongthefencelineonesoutputthatwontescapelight Igoroundandroundseekingamasterorfreedomfromamasterandfreedomfrom seekinganothermasterifthemasterisselfandonesabletofreeselfofself thoughonecantseemtostoponesselffromseekingamasternonethelessones needforguidanceandverificationoverrulingonesneedforindividualism Iveneverhadanyonelivingshowmehowtogoaboutcomposingbetterthoughts onesneitherhereticnorinitiateinonesownimaginarylandofinhabitable conceptsanduninhabitablespacesonesneithermagistratenorslavethats thewayitsalwaysbeenthatsthewayitllbetotheendonesapureproletariat inonesownimpurekingdomonescranialsweatgreasesonestargetmachinery maylifehavemercyonthosefacingtorturetodaywhethertheyreinnocentor guiltywhethertheyknowjustwhattheirtorturerswantorwhethertheyknow nothingatallwhethertheysurvivethenightornotmaytherebeenoughmercy togoaroundforallwhoregrievingallwhoreheartbrokenallwhorelonelyor trappedorterminallyillallwhoredisappointedanddisheartenedwerenot abletoescapelightandwerenotabletoescapedarknesswerenotevenableto escapeourautonomousselvesorourfavoriteothersorourcollectivewhole onelovesonehappinessandonesunhappinessasequalopportunitiestofeel onedoesntlovefeelingasmuchasmostpeopleappeartolovefeelingbutones feelingsshouldntbedismissedbyonenobodysfeelingsshouldbedismissed byoneoranybodyelseweknowthistobeoneofthosemanyannoyingtruismsbut itdoesntstopusfromdismissingotherpeoplesfeelingsorourownfeelings dayinanddayoutdismissdismissdismisstilltheproverbialowlcomeshome tillwefeelourthoughtsevolvingoutofourcontrolwhenIlldeconstructor whenIllcomeuponyouinthegloomofthenocturamaorwhenIllcomeuponyouin thecheeroftheorangeryperhapsonthesunniestofalldaysnotinthemarred refectorybutinthemurkofournocturamanotinsomeseasidemotelbutinthe glareofourorangeryasoiledheramiredhimheldinthiscurrentspateofour imaginaryarchitectureintheorderofourdaysandthestructureofourcrux theproverbialmothortheproverbialfledermausortheproverbialllwynog onellcomehomeandonellavoidoneseyesandtrytocoaxonesvoiceintoinked airorintotangyairthesmellofnightorthescentofcitrusasournocturama becomesawastelandunderthesunsgazeasourorangerybloomswithghostsin theoutermoonlightandchancesareonewontcomeupononetherebetweendawn andduskinthenocturamaortherebetweenduskanddawnintheorangeryonell comeupononewithoutanycoyintentionofdismissingonesemotivethoughts onellcomeupononefulllonesomeinthebloodysanctuaryorthewoolencrypt ifIweretocomeuponyouinthenocturamabeneathourmansioncontemplating thestareofatarsierourcousinnosferatuthatdolefulgazeboringintoyou youmightaskmetochasesolitudewithyouinthecandlelightofourorangery ifIweretocomeuponyouintheorangeryamidasunlitswirlofwhiteblossoms daydreamingaboutthedarkestplaceandthedarkereyesholdingyouinrhyme youmightaskmetoherdaffectionwithyouinthestarkaromaofournocturama ifoneweretocomeupononeinthecorridorsofonesinsomniastrugglingwith memoriesthatwontcongealandwithmemoriesthatwontcurrentthroughtime onemightgrabonesformandtugoneintoawintercoatclosetunderourstairs ifoneweretocomeupononeonthewanderwegsofonesdisillusionmenthiding fromonesownsmarmypaparazziandtheirirrepressibleneedtowitnessskin onemighttakeonesformanddressitfullinburlapandbarkclothandbuckram ifheweretocomeuponherinthecurlsofsurfattheirmostvigoroustideeven asshedrownshisolderlogosinsaltyexpectationsandcovershimincastles hemightshifthershapeinchoralcloudstostormandrazetheancientschool ifsheweretocomeuponhimatabungalowmotelwithseashellsetchedintoits transomsandseashellsstitchedintoitspillowcasesandcoralshapedsoap shemightsendhimintohadestofetchapailofwaterfreshandpureandsinful itwouldprobablybeprudentofmetonighttogotosleepwithoutanytendency towarddreamingwithoutanyinclinationorhardturnstowardsubconscious travelwithoutanynotionofstripminingorcorefrackingorselfquarrying Ivenowishtobeseenasonewhosmorbidorintractablebutlifehasmademeone andtheapparentfactofdeathhasmademetheotherbutIdliketothinkImless puerilethanmostandmoreopenthansomeforwhatthatsworthinaworldwhere lovemightbeallthatmattersiflovecanbesaidwithoutdoubttomatterlove asbroadlyshownthroughoutexistencewithinpathosandbathostheromance ofanyonewithanyotherasordinarycomedyandtragedyandasextraordinary comedyandtragedythebanalandthewondrousthestandardandthetokenwhat getslaudedandwhatgetsshunnedwhatwethinkofassentientandevenwhatwe thinkofasnonsentientloveasinformationoutsideorinsidepartandwhole ifIcanttellthesanctuarytaleonewontgetanytaletoldanditsobviousIve notalentfortellingtalesnostomachforthatmessorshinethecoolchronos whatconstitutesoneofourfinercopingmechanismsourcatharticdelusion ourgrouptherapyourcelebratedcollectivebeliefinthefictionalreduct IcantabsorbeverythingonejustcantandsoIdowhatIcantoexpandtheselfs breadthanddepthbutItoooftenforgetthethirdaxisthatinexplicableway thattakestimeforanyonetofailtomasteronesambitionrangingacrossthe planetilldebilitybringsacquiescenceanditinturngiveswaytokairotic precisionandonewakesorsowevebeentoldatellinglikeallothertellings sellingbehaviorsorwisdomorstrategiestowardsuccessparalleltothose actingascautionarytalesorthosestruttingasentertainmentallofwhich dolittlebuttitillateourbatteredmindswithluresofclarityanddelight oneguessesitdoesnttakecouragetokillanotherincoldblooditjusttakes coldbloodandthemeansiftheresdesperationoremotionthebloodswarmand thedeedhassteamtoittruecoldbloodedmurdersareprobablypathological letsnotdiechampioningpathologyalongsideiconoclasmandeccentricity andcharismaletscondemncoldbloodedactsasaberrantandabhorrentandun worthyofourcampfiresandcavewallsandflatscreensandcinemashotblood perpetuatesevenatitsworstwhereascoldbloodundoesourfieryhumanness Imcravingmintgelatotonightbutthestoreistoofarawayinthissultryair soIllslouchmywaytowardbedandsleepandrawdreamsoflowreconnaissance .ofREDACTIONwhatonesaysandwhatonewantstosaydontmatchtheydontjibe theyvenevermatchedtheyveneverjibednotruesymmetryoragreementwhile onesuffersarecurringvisioninwhichoneshovesoneswholearmuponespith andwithanactiondefyingphysicalrealityonestrokesonesheartuntilyou orgasmandIdieuptoonesshoulderinoneslongitudeourlivesareendlessly 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BeGeTtinGsBeMuSeMeNtAnDcHaGriNoNeSnOcTuRaMaPrOviDiNgAhiDiNgPlACe AnDoNeSoRaNgErYaLlOwinGfOrReCuPeRaTiOniNtHeLiGhToFoUrAwKwArDdAys ouroldgrowthintroversioninthewideopenournarrowinghermitageofself wemightnotidentifyourselvesascaptivesbutwerecaughtbylifeandareat itsmercyuntilitexecutesuswhetherwevejustarrivedorwhetherwevelong wornoutourwelcomesandnoneofusescapesexecutionnoteventhosewhokill ourselvesitsstilllifepullingthetriggerorpoppingthepillsorjumping offthebridgeortighteningthenooseorwieldingthebladeorswimmingpast thesurfwayoutbeyondourstrengthsitsstilllifestoppinglifenaturally someofusaremostcaptivatedwhentoldtheworldsexactlywhatwethinkitis someofusareonlyfreedwhenshowntheworldsnotatallwhatwethoughtitwas noboutofapopheniaissufficienttocompensateforanoverdeterminedlife nodoseofsynaesthesiaisenoughtoorganizeonesdisassociatedideations onecantreduceoneslifetothereliabilityofleathershoesandoldsteamer trunkstomilitaryrucksacksandlongridgewalksjustasonecantsurviveon almondsandapplesindefinitelyonecantsurviveonanythingindefinitely notonoxygenandwaternotempiricallogicormysticalfaithnotadrenaline ortenacitynotartisticresolvenottheluckofthewelshnotevenideallove onecouldspeakoftheluckofthedutchorofonesteutonicshynessbutonemay aswellspeakofendearingbooksascakesoroffavoriteoperasassyllogisms Icantdistinguishbetweenswordsandriflesorbetweencavesandlunariums Icantdifferentiatebetweenparadiseorpurgatoryorthecircularinferno Icanttelltheintegraldifferencebetweendarkestblueandlightestblack onedoesntneedtoknowartichokefrompomegranatetoknowoneisntoriginal onedoesntneedtoknowrustfromdusktoknowonewontbearoundfortheending rainsfallwithoutregardforthesurfacesuponwhichtheylandwhichisalso trueofmostsuicideswhichisalsotrueofbombswhichisalsotrueoflightId driventothecoasttovisityouinyourasceticbungalowtomergeaesthetics withaspirationortobendbreathingintomazesbutyouwerenttakingcomers alloranywesatontheporchinthreatofseabutyouwerentseekingpolyphony andIwashuntingtruncationwewantedwhatwewantedandwhatwewantedwasnt MAMMOCKhertimingswronghishornslowvoiceseerieovercoldorganshewont engagedepthoffieldwithwidthofrangefretlessstringsundoneandstrewn hellstayunchallengedscaledtositeshellstayunbiddenlosttogazecross treetotreetheirmiddaydozehissupersilentmaththeirnecksasnapeswhen privateboundlongdaydriftintoopennighthornrisenforthatencoresweat throatstuckinformassocialgaffehersorrowsmoothedasjoltandsplayhis blatherrazedtominethoughofdisplayhaveothersfeelherhappinessacute hisvibrationsstrongherharpsourvoicescreeptheoldcorridorstheywont rallyforsakeoffunordeemthematterheldtherethethrobrumblesherjambs liftshistransomceilingheightwithroomtosparewithspacetowasteapple peeltogirdthefigssixpointthreeorfivepointonethroughfivepointfive shufflethesequencesixpointfourorfourpointnineheshardtopindownher barometricimpacthermoodsdistractthatlustforninepointthreetoorgan outmalaisehisstaticwishhermobilespanattentivetohisreachoctavesup 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onehundredpointoneinajanuaryfogshelightsthecandlehebegsthebreeze thisistheircontagionkairosgonethewayofmythanderosbledfromsoapbox shetemptsthequakehesnuffstherumorcurtainsblackcoversyankedtochin cheekonchestsmallofbackpalmonstomachthighonribsheartbeatintohead thisistheirwarmsorrowplayedoutacrossmorningswaytoolongfabricated waytoooftenshortedbydutywhatssauceforthegooseissauceforthegander histimingsnimbleherharpstartherpsychictellshernottoliftheavywood histellshimtostridepastmovingwatersonepointinfinitydoesntmaketwo oneandonearetwoexceptwhentheyrenotonelovesthechoirinherthemoilin himthishethissheherhehissheinthisspecifictimeinthisspecificplace onekeepsonesonesinanultimathuleonesfinestsinworthitsweightuntold hewaitedforheratthatverymostdistantstationsothatshewouldntarrive unlessshetrulywantedtoarrivesincehesuspectedshedidntactuallywant toarrivenotintheneartimenotinthemeantimethoughmaybeinthefarthest timesohewaitedforherfartherthantimeallowedandlongerthanspacewent ifonesmouthtastesofspoiltmintandrancidaniseshouldoneprayforcease ifoneshearthaswormsandonesmindhasgapsshouldonerailattangentrides onceonesheardthesuburbanseraphimsingshouldntonejettisononespride onceonesmountedthethornyhedgeshouldntonebegratefulforexclusivity shouldhewantadaybackhedwantthedayatthemotelbytheseaseriousingher shouldsheneedadayreduxedshedtakethedayinthenocturamabrightinghim shetookherplaceinthevolupturamawiththereluctanceofablackcauldron heacceptedhisplaceintheorangerywiththerecalcitranceofagoldenring theylearntfromhistoryandsciencethathumanityschangedbycompetition welllearnfromtrialanderrorthattheintellectfailstoflowerthegarden towardtheendheinventsspacesofwhichhesinconvulsivepossessionwhere shesthedisturbancebetweenpersonalityandspacedarkegotemptedbytime giantphasmathemantisdevoursthemaleocellatamateinprestigiousmagic hesdispossessedofhisprivilegeandnolongerknowswheretoplacehimself sohelivensspaceintomatterandagainandagainmattersessenceintospace bloodsapandwingpresscockstampandlippeelhalobendandbreathexpended patternbustacrossplanegeometryandsequencethirstfortheplainspoken projectlustofprocessslutwithouthungerforthenevervanishingproduct distributionbeginswithinsecuritythencomesintoitsownasimaginative giftsforourmentallyindigentourairyprincessesourabstractingsloths herbellyisntherenemyisntherfriendisntwhatshewantsittobeisntsmart histongueisnthisstrengthisnthisflawisntwhathewantsittobeisntsexy heelofpalmtomoundassyntaxassacralchakramirrorsthevioletintellect focusgiveswaytodistractiongiveswaytomediagiveswaytoshockandyawns boredomgiveswaytoanxietyandfreedomgiveswaytorigorgiveswaytofocus accesscedestoprivilegesuccumbstocorruptionwakestoruinsandchances exclusionleadstotemperenforcesconcoctionssleepsinruinsandchanges shemarriedbridgebyjowlandcamebyfordtopushheroxensouthwardheadfor headandholeforpegshecrossedintothecloudshermoansnotheardformiles shebarteredtouchforfeelthenfeelforthoughtfullyspicedwithkindness coccinellamagnificaandlieveheersbeestjeluckforskinandsoulswithin onessensoriummightbeonesfinalgifttoonemylastgifttoyoupassedtoyou asonemightpassanoteacrosspewsorasonemightpassakidneystoneorasone mightpassavirusorasonemightpassapointofnoreturnbynotpassingatest youveyourownrealitytunnelsowhereoursmeetletsmakeperceptstogether whilewehidefromourjuicesqueezersandplaqueshinersandpleasemongers floralknivesandcheeselicksapplelightsandprologuesmellcosmicspill andhellwipesshellforgethimassoonasthetidegoesbrickassoonastheowl winkswidehellbeleftwithhisblondebeverageandhisoutstandingqueries oneshapesonessensoriumtomatchonesorientedmobiusonestwistofcitrus onesunmysteriousstripofconcernoronesmysticalpathtoextinguishment youcanthaveallofmejustbyaskingbutheresmysensoriumasatracelullaby asnotaspaceoperaasnotamobshowasnotanangelnoirasnotalaceshroudone thinksoneswayoutofonesthinkingintoasensateacademyforeveryoneelse andthenonedayshedoesjustupanddieandonessuddenlyfolklessnextinthe queuetotumbleintothatabyssalongwithoneswholeinadequategeneration wemustadmitweknownothingaboutwhatsnextnoteventhoseamonguswhoknow mostaboutwhatsnowandnoteventhoseamonguswhoknowmostaboutwhatspast ifnothingsnextthenwecouldsayweknownexttonothingsinceeverythingwe individuallyknowwecarrywithustothetiltededgeofthestrictprecipice oneschronotopeofspecialdisalignmentaggressivepatternsinthevacuum fullnullawaitsonewillalwaysawaiteachoneasonesacespaceuponarrival hecantvisitherinherstarpronevalleyshewontfindhiminhisflannelcant theywouldntcovetthedistanceifthenearnesswerentsolustfulandfanged ifthelocussolushadntalreadybeenestablishedastoopoignantandskewed ifwewerentalreadysurewemustusherourselvestoourownrespectiveseats onevisitsonescharnelmoundtoassessonesexcarnationonescorpsehaving beenlaidthereafteryourswaslaidatophisafterhiswaslaidatophersones corpseawaitingtheimminentweightofmineapressingofconcordintocairn ofrieslingsintoquenchonewavesawayonesscavengingselvesandalsoones voyeuringotherstobetterstudythebodiesofboneandfleshbonespiledand strewnskinassurfaceandveilspiritasairfledelsewherebeakscrapefang scrapeclawscrapetalonscrapeglacierscrapeonecantescapeonesfateone belongsinthisstackamidthesestacksonellbewithyouwhiledoomsdaydies theresonesjawandthereonessternumtheresafibiaonatibiatheresatibia onafibulatheresapelvisonascapulaafemuronaspineaclavicalonasacrum sinewandtissueandfleshandskinbloodandbileandphlegmandfatthestuff ofusheapedupandstrewnabouttheridgeseepingintohardearthonesbodyas heavyrainonesspiritasfancifulonesmostcleverthoughtsassuperfluous onesitsbesideoneonagraniteoutcroppingabovethefrayofdecayawayfrom theravagesofthescavengersandtheslickmaneuversofthethoughtvoyeurs youjoinuswithyouroneandonemaketwoyouroneandonemakestwoyourmaking andunmakingofoneandanotheroneupontheotheroneinproximitytoeachone andeachotheronetoodistantfromoneandfromyouandfromhimandfromheror tooclosetoallwaytooclosetoeveryoneandeveryotheronetwoandtwoarent onlyfourtheyreexfinitepairwisedalongeveryarcofeverytaskingcircle ofeveryprocreativecycleoreveryballsycelibaterefusaltoparticipate inthemakingofmoremakingintheunmakingofadaptivenaturethatllmakeof itselfwhateveritwillhavemadeofitselfwhengazeduponfromourboulders undoubtedlyIloveyouandyoumeandshehimandheherandsheherandhehimand wethemandtheyusseatoseaorinteriortointeriorlucidlyandundoubtedly

 

 

 

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